Difficult Decisions

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I had my IVF consultation on May 14th. I can’t say that I learned much more about the IVF procedure than what I already knew. As I had mentioned in one of my earliest blog posts, there is information all over the internet about how in-vitro fertilization works so I only had to do a little research to understand the procedure, and my doctor’s website explains it all pretty well.

What I didn’t know was that my doctor does ICSI and assisted hatching as standard procedures with every IVF whether it’s indicated or not. ICSI is when they select a single sperm and use a needle to inject it into the egg instead of just throwing them all in a petri dish and letting them go at it themselves. Assisted hatching is when they use a laser to blast the shell of the embryo to make it easier for the embryo to hatch (yes… human embryos “hatch” in the uterus a few days after conception). I never thought of those procedures as something I would need, but if it increases my chances I’m not going to turn it down.

I also learned a little about the financing. As I’ve mentioned before, my plan was to save some money for the procedure and finance the rest. I applied for the medical loan and I was preapproved… Now that everything was in place it was time to pull the trigger and move forward, but it just didn’t feel right. I took the next couple weeks to weigh my options and run scenarios through my mind. I wouldn’t have everything I have today if I didn’t make good financial decisions… This one just happened to be really difficult. At the end of all that, I chose an option that I really didn’t want to… but it really is the right thing for me, and my future babies, at this time.

I am delaying my IVF until spring of 2016.

The reason why I didn’t update right away after my consultation is because I just didn’t want anyone’s opinions. This was a decision that I had to make entirely on my own. If I didn’t come to the decision myself I would have been second guessing everything. I love that my parents understood that and allowed me to make my choice. I have to admit, I unloaded a lot of my thoughts on my mom during the last couple weeks. The best part of it all? She made her and my dad’s support well known, but she never once gave an opinion. It was exactly what I needed. So, to Mom and Dad, two of my biggest cheerleaders, THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU!

Now, I’ve heard and seen it a thousand times. “If you wait until the right time to have a baby, you’ll be waiting forever.” I get that sentiment. I really do. But there is a difference between waiting for the right time, and knowing that right now is just plain bad.

In my last blog post, I talked about how the price of oil tanked and I was worried about layoffs. The price bottomed out at $40. It has improved slightly and has been holding steady for a while at $60, but that is still uncomfortable territory. Personally, I won’t feel better until it gets up to around $80, but I have the feeling that won’t happen quickly. We still haven’t seen a second round of layoffs, but if things don’t improve soon I think there will be a second round. With the low oil prices and the transition to the new company that bought us, I’m just not in a position to feel confident that my job is safe.

In addition to that, while I was approved for the loan, the loan terms were pretty bad. They wanted 21% interest! That’s just too much. I can’t make myself agree to that.

I am going to take the next 8 months to save more money. I just need to build a bigger financial cushion. It’s not just about what I want anymore. It’s about being able to comfortably provide for babies.

There is another benefit to waiting. My insurance is going to change after the first of the year to the new company’s plan (if I still have a job by then). This is really great because I am on a high deductible plan right now so every cent of medical costs up to that deductible amount comes straight out of pocket. The new plan is copays only. This is a huge improvement.

Anyway… That’s the latest. I don’t know when I’ll write again. Until next time, thank you all for reading and for your patience.

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I’m Still Alive!

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It’s been nearly three months since my last blog post. Honestly, I’ve had nothing to write about. I didn’t want to bore people with dull everyday life things so I’ve put off writing until I had something baby related to update with.

So, after my last failed IUI in December I swore to redirect my focus to weight loss and just getting my body ready for IVF… Yeah… That lasted for a little over a month. The time I did spend on weight loss was successful. I lost about 15ish pounds? I honestly can’t remember at this point. All I know is that I had a week long business trip to Dallas and I had no transportation (I was picked up at the airport by a coworker) so I really had no choice but to walk across the hotel parking lot to the Mexican restaurant every evening. That derailed everything! About a month later and I still haven’t gotten back into the diet. I hope to start up again on Monday though. The ladies in the office are doing a biggest loser type competition. We are all putting $20 in the pot and winner takes all. Should be fun.

I’ve scheduled my consultation for IVF. It will be at the same clinic I’ve been using, with the same doctor. The appointment is on April 14th so that’s a little over three weeks from now. I’m excited! Butterflies in my tummy excited! At this appointment I’ll be able to discuss a game plan with the doctor, and I will actually have a clue about what to expect moving forward.

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I keep changing my mind on which donor I’d like to use. I spotted a new one last month, and I really liked him, but his vials completely sold out within 3 weeks. He was gorgeous! Yes I get to see pictures of the donors. I’ve said it plenty of times, but for some reason folks always miss that part. They are supposed to be releasing another batch of vials for this donor next month. I may just buy one with a storage plan so that way I know I’ll have the donor I want when the time comes. Its either that or just pick whatever’s available when it’s IVF time. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet.

In other news, the price of oil has totally tanked. I work in the oil field so this is a really bad thing. As a Safety Advisor, my position is one that is viewed as being completely expendable when cuts have to be made. I have survived he first round of layoffs, but I spend most of my time on the edge of my seat wondering when I might have to hear the words, “I’m sorry, but we have to let you go.” It’s not a fun feeling. In addition to that, it has come to light that the company I currently work for is being bought by another very large company. That ALWAYS means reorganizations and cuts… Can I just keep my job please? Ugh… Stress.

With all the uncertainty surrounding my career, I decided to put some distance between my blog and my personal facebook page. Instead, I have created a page just for my blog posts. If you all want to, you can go ahead and like the page. You can find it at facebook.com/babybabbleblog. My boss already knows what I’m up to, and he’s ok with it, but there is no way for me to tell who else might be looking.

Even with that going on, I decided that I eventually want to move back to my hometown, Erath, LA. It’s only 25 miles from where I am now, but I really want to be closer to my family and I really want my future babies to grow up in the environment that I grew up in. I will be taking the week of Good Friday off to do some chores around the house to make it presentable, then I will be putting it on the market shortly after. We’ll see what happens

Coming Soon! My IVF consultation experience.

The Fertility Blessing

You know my deep desire for a child. A little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.

Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with Your will.

Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.

Amen