Difficult Decisions

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I had my IVF consultation on May 14th. I can’t say that I learned much more about the IVF procedure than what I already knew. As I had mentioned in one of my earliest blog posts, there is information all over the internet about how in-vitro fertilization works so I only had to do a little research to understand the procedure, and my doctor’s website explains it all pretty well.

What I didn’t know was that my doctor does ICSI and assisted hatching as standard procedures with every IVF whether it’s indicated or not. ICSI is when they select a single sperm and use a needle to inject it into the egg instead of just throwing them all in a petri dish and letting them go at it themselves. Assisted hatching is when they use a laser to blast the shell of the embryo to make it easier for the embryo to hatch (yes… human embryos “hatch” in the uterus a few days after conception). I never thought of those procedures as something I would need, but if it increases my chances I’m not going to turn it down.

I also learned a little about the financing. As I’ve mentioned before, my plan was to save some money for the procedure and finance the rest. I applied for the medical loan and I was preapproved… Now that everything was in place it was time to pull the trigger and move forward, but it just didn’t feel right. I took the next couple weeks to weigh my options and run scenarios through my mind. I wouldn’t have everything I have today if I didn’t make good financial decisions… This one just happened to be really difficult. At the end of all that, I chose an option that I really didn’t want to… but it really is the right thing for me, and my future babies, at this time.

I am delaying my IVF until spring of 2016.

The reason why I didn’t update right away after my consultation is because I just didn’t want anyone’s opinions. This was a decision that I had to make entirely on my own. If I didn’t come to the decision myself I would have been second guessing everything. I love that my parents understood that and allowed me to make my choice. I have to admit, I unloaded a lot of my thoughts on my mom during the last couple weeks. The best part of it all? She made her and my dad’s support well known, but she never once gave an opinion. It was exactly what I needed. So, to Mom and Dad, two of my biggest cheerleaders, THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU!

Now, I’ve heard and seen it a thousand times. “If you wait until the right time to have a baby, you’ll be waiting forever.” I get that sentiment. I really do. But there is a difference between waiting for the right time, and knowing that right now is just plain bad.

In my last blog post, I talked about how the price of oil tanked and I was worried about layoffs. The price bottomed out at $40. It has improved slightly and has been holding steady for a while at $60, but that is still uncomfortable territory. Personally, I won’t feel better until it gets up to around $80, but I have the feeling that won’t happen quickly. We still haven’t seen a second round of layoffs, but if things don’t improve soon I think there will be a second round. With the low oil prices and the transition to the new company that bought us, I’m just not in a position to feel confident that my job is safe.

In addition to that, while I was approved for the loan, the loan terms were pretty bad. They wanted 21% interest! That’s just too much. I can’t make myself agree to that.

I am going to take the next 8 months to save more money. I just need to build a bigger financial cushion. It’s not just about what I want anymore. It’s about being able to comfortably provide for babies.

There is another benefit to waiting. My insurance is going to change after the first of the year to the new company’s plan (if I still have a job by then). This is really great because I am on a high deductible plan right now so every cent of medical costs up to that deductible amount comes straight out of pocket. The new plan is copays only. This is a huge improvement.

Anyway… That’s the latest. I don’t know when I’ll write again. Until next time, thank you all for reading and for your patience.

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7 thoughts on “Difficult Decisions

  1. That seems like a very wise decision. I would love to have another now but need to do school and move and more school. It would be plain irriesponsible to have a baby where I’m at financially and that is without medical costs.

    From my understanding of IVF, letting the sperm do the work keeps a little of the natural selection process in place. By the doctor doing it the way you mentioned a sperm that isn’t healthy or is missing genetic material is able to penetrate the egg wall when it otherwise wouldn’t be able to. I would feel uncomfortable with that procedure and ask to know how he determines healthy sperm (motility isn’t the only factor) or ask for him to not do those procedures. Have you read the book Get Met Out? Now you have a year to prepare more in all ways!

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    • I haven’t read that book. I’ll look it up. Thanks for sharing your opinion on ICSI. You brought up some good questions. I’ll definitely be asking for more information next time I meet with my doctor.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It isn’t specifically about IVF but overall how conception and birth has changed. I also liked the Myth of Motherhood for historical and sociological perspective on it all.

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  2. You know in your gut what you should do. I like that you took the time to think about it, not make a rash decision based on emotions, and do what is right for you. I also love your mom. Can I borrow her? What a great support network you have around you.
    Did you feel better after you made a decision? As if a weight has been lifted?

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    • Hi! I definitely felt better after and I took it as a sign that I was doing the right thing. It was so hard to take the emotion out of making the decision though! I’ve wanted to be a mom for so long! I had to realize that it wasn’t going to kill me to wait just a little longer… And I definitely know how lucky I am to have such amazing parents. I hope I can do as much for my kids as they have done for me!

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  3. Rachel you know how very proud we are of you and we never doubted that you would make the best decision for you. You are the most levelheaded young woman I know. Having said that it also tells me what a wonderful mother you will be. Be strong and patient my darling your day is coming! Love you with all my heart!
    MOM

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  4. I think you are being so smart. 21% interest is nuts! And potential layoffs are so scary. I agree with your mom — making these level-headed decisions to benefit you and your child is a sign that you will be a great mom! I hope things at your job start looking up soon and that there are no more layoffs.

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