Passing The Time & California Cryobank

Hi everyone! I know it’s been about 3 weeks since my last post. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA for a while. I was really disappointed about having the cyst on my ovary and having to cancel the cycle. I caught myself obsessing over it for quite a few days… there was constant googling trying to find reasons, or things I could do to avoid or get rid of cysts… There really isn’t anything I could do besides what was already being done. Cysts just happen sometimes. It was causing me to get really stressed. I didn’t want to do that to myself, so I decided to just give it all a rest. The only reminder was the pill I took daily to hopefully shrink the cyst.

Those pills were miserable. Constant nausea, headaches, moodiness, food cravings… and there is this little nagging voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying, “If you think this is bad, just wait until you get pregnant!” I tried to shut that little bitch up with chocolate but it didn’t work… I’m just thankful that I’ve taken the whole pack. Now I’m just waiting for Aunt Flo again so I can schedule my next appointment.

Today is the first day that I really started thinking about it again. I have been pinching every penny I’ve got lately, because I don’t want to take any chances on not being able to fund as many cycles as I want to. That has resulted in a lot of home time with Netflix or a good book, but today I finally got out of the house and went to the Tinsel & Treasures show that is organized every year by the Junior League of Lafayette. It was my first time going so I really enjoyed myself and I found a few treasures to buy. The first thing I want to share about is a necklace and earring set made with moonstone. I want to send a little shout out to my friend who told me about moonstone. It is believed that moonstone is really great for fertility. Even if it doesn’t help, it’s a pretty little stone that reflects pretty colors.

Moonstone

While I was shopping I also came up with an idea to tease my future kids when they get old enough to realize how they were made…

dysfunction

Sooo… I bought these socks… and I plan to wear them during my insemination, then put them away… only to pull them out later to tease my kids by saying, “These are the socks I was wearing when I made you!” Now the only question that remains is owls, cats, or garden gnomes???

Socks

Moving on to California Cryobank… (cryobank.com) I’ve had a hard time finding the motivation to write about this because I’m bored with it, but it’s information that I want to get out there for anyone who’s curious about what information I have about my donor.

I chose an anonymous donor. I don’t want to know who the donor is and I don’t want to ever be known to the donor, so for that reason, I will never post my donor number online and the only people who will know the donor number is my immediate family. I also declined any donor who would be willing to be a known donor after their offspring turns 18.

There is an option to search donors for free, but you don’t get nearly as much information as you would get with a paid subscription. The closest you could get to finding out what the donor looked like is where the site lists celebrity look alikes of the donor. I searched as a free member for months, and even made a list of favorites from the information that I could see. When I got closer to my first appointment I got a paid subscription and my ENTIRE LIST of favorites changed!

Here’s a list of the subscription levels and their prices.

pricing

When it was time to pay for a subscription, I decided to go with the Level II to create a final list of favorites and from there I picked the donor I want to use. I decided to buy the “Facial Features Reports” and the Donor Conversations a la carte for the top guy.

In the Donor profile you get to see all of the basic information about the donor such as height, weight, eye color, hair color, level of education, occupational background, hobbies, and other personality traits. I’ll say it right up front. I didn’t really care about the personality traits. I believe that a person is a product of their upbringing. That won’t stop me from blaming the donor when my child misbehaves though. LOL

 There is also a personal health history. I’m glad to know the allergies, vision, and hearing of my donor. I also get to know what surgeries he’s had and why. His dental health and if he’s ever needed braces.

As an added bonus, I get all of this information about the donor’s mother, father, brother, 2 sisters, 3 aunts, 2 uncles, 6 cousins and all 4 grandparents. I know everything they were diagnosed with, and their age when they were diagnosed.

Writing all this down makes me feel like a creeper! I didn’t realize how much personal information I have on people I’ve never met!

I have three baby/adolescent pictures of the donor. He’s handsome!

I also have personal essays written by the donor where the donor writes out answers to questions like, “Describe your personality. Give examples of how you display those traits.” and, “Which family member are you closest to and why?”

As I mentioned above, I also bought the facial features report which analyzes every part of the face… I’ve got every little detail about his chin, forehead, face shape, cheek bones, eyebrows, eyes, nose, lips, ears, chin, and teeth. In addition I also bought the donor conversation which is an audio recording of the donor answering questions in a one on one interview with a staff member of the cryobank. I couldn’t pass that one up. I didn’t want to take the chance of having a boy, who will one day grow into a man, who squeaks like a mouse when he speaks… I had to make sure my donor had a manly voice! LOL

I guess that’s all… For now, all I can do is sit and wait… It’s getting a little boring.

Coming Soon! Taking Requests… I’m not sure what I want to write about next, so if there is something you want to know about please let me know! If I get a lot of short questions which only require a short answer I can possibly do a Q&A session.

The Fertility Blessing

You know my deep desire for a child. A little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.

Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with Your will.

Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.

Amen

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Disappointment Comes In a 27 Millimeter Package

Yes, I’m changing things up on y’all. I know I promised a different subject for this week’s post, but in light of a new bump in the road on my journey to becoming mommy I decided to tell you guys about that instead. The original topic that I had promised for this week will be posted next week.

Many people know that I was anxiously waiting for “Aunt Flo” to show up last weekend so I could begin my first cycle for Intrauterine Insemination. Exactly as I had predicted, AF began on Saturday morning. I was so excited to contact the doctor’s office and I was silently cursing the fact that Monday was a holiday and that I would have to wait until Tuesday to go for my first appointment.

After calling the doctor’s office first thing Tuesday morning, I was scheduled for an appointment at 1:00 that afternoon for a baseline ultrasound to take some measurements of my uterus and ovaries to make sure that everything was good to go for this month.

On my way to the appointment I felt a pinching, stabbing pain right about the place where my left ovary would be. It’s funny how you realize just where all your parts are inside after a procedure like an HSG… Anyway, I had a feeling something wasn’t going to go right, but I still kept my hopes up.

During the ultrasound the tech measured the lining of the uterus and the right ovary, but when she switched over to the left ovary it looked a little different on the monitor. It looked like a big empty black dot. She took some measurements and asked me to join the nurse across the hall after I had gotten dressed.

I hadn’t even sat down in the nurse’s office yet when she blurted out, “Well I guess she already told you that you have a 27 millimeter cyst on your left ovary.”

Me: “Ummm… No.”

Nurse: “Oh… Well you have a 27 millimeter cyst on your left ovary.”

Me: “OK?”

Nurse: “Well, we cancel the cycle for anything over a 15 millimeter cyst. You can either wait for another month to see if it goes away on its own, or you can go on birth control for a month to actively try to shrink it.”

Me: “I’m guessing that going on birth control is my best bet?”

Nurse: *Blank stare*

Me: “Well, birth control it is.”

Nurse: *Hands me a prescription for Desogen (aka reclipsen).* “I’ll see you in another month.”

So there you have it. All plans for an insemination this month have been canceled. Nothing in particular causes these cysts… They just happen sometimes. I allowed myself to feel disappointment, but not anger or frustration. Hardly anyone has a flawless conception and I figured I wouldn’t be an exception to that rule. Lots of people have a tougher time than I have had so far, so I will just consider this a minor bump in the road.

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The birth control has sucked. The first couple nights it made me vomit in the middle of the night. Last night the nausea was terrible, but I haven’t thrown up since the first couple nights. I also have enormous zits because of it. Ouch… But, I’m willing to do it if it will shrink the darn cyst on my ovary! As of right now I have one week of birth control down and two more weeks to go!

No early June baby for me… Now I’m praying for an early July baby!

Coming Soon! Why I Chose California Cryobank.

The Fertility Blessing

You know my deep desire for a child. A little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.

Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with Your will.

Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.

Amen

The Ugliest And Most Intolerant Reaction To My News So Far

Ok, I’m going to get a couple things out of the way in this blog.

First, I want to clear up a few misunderstandings.

I am not using donor sperm because it means that I will be able to choose gender, hair color, eye color, etc… Those things are impossible to do. Science is not there yet, and I personally hope that science never gets there. There are some things that we just shouldn’t be able to do. Like cloning, I think that we shouldn’t be able to pick genders or genetic traits like eye color. Pregnancy is a beautiful gift of LIFE that shouldn’t be terminated because baby has the wrong eye color.

Next, this post will not be for the purpose of openly bashing any individual.

I will not call out any names. The only way the person would become known is if they ended up outing themselves with a guilty conscience. If they do that, then it’s not my problem. I have not dwelled on this person’s opinion of me because I figured out exactly why this person would say what they said to me. This person is so miserable with their self that the only way they can feel better is to try to tear someone else apart. It obviously didn’t work. This blog is simply for other women who are considering becoming pregnant through nonconventional means to know what kind of comments they might face from people who are just looking for excuses to hurt other people. While this comment was the most shocking and ugly thing I’ve heard, I am confident enough in myself to know that I am doing what’s right for me.

“You are what’s wrong with society today. Its people like you who are completely destroying what the family unit is all about.”

Now let me explain exactly why I think that statement is total crap.

I am catholic. That means that it is my belief that the foundation of strong healthy families is faith in God. I plan to continue that belief as a parent, creating a strong healthy family, minus a biological father. A-hole is a self-proclaimed atheist.

A-hole – 0
Rachel – 1

Me: “I would think that you would be saying this to some teenager who just accidentally got pregnant, not to me. I’m making an adult decision that I am financially stable enough, and emotionally stable enough to have a child on my own.

A-hole: “That’s different! You are making a choice to have a family without a father! Those pregnant teenagers didn’t have a choice.”

Me: “Are you serious? You’re trying to tell me that they didn’t choose to have unprotected sex? I understand that rape happens, but the majority of teenage pregnancies are not the result of rape, it’s the result of irresponsible actions by children who are not ready financially or emotionally to have children.”

a-single-30-something-with-a-great-career-and-stable-home-nope-no-baby-for-you-you-should-have-been-a-teenage-high-school-dropout-if-you-wanted-a-baby-so-bad-874b0

A-hole – 0
Rachel – 2

Me: “What about lesbians who are choosing to start a family using donor sperm?”

A-hole: “That’s different too. They didn’t choose to be lesbians.”

(Before I get any comments on this, I don’t care whether lesbians are lesbians by choice or not. That’s not what this is all about and it would be off topic to go in that direction.)

Me: “So the fact that I’m making a long thought out and informed DECISION that I can afford a baby and am emotionally stable enough to raise a child by myself means that I am directly contributing to the destruction of society?”

A-hole: “Yes.”

Me: “Your logic is stupid.”

FINAL SCORE

A-hole – 0
Rachel – 3

As I mentioned in my last blog, I had to see a family counselor before I would be allowed to proceed with an intrauterine insemination. This counselor is the ONLY person who is qualified to make any judgments on what I’m trying to do, and she gave me exactly the words I needed to hear. She told me that my child will be luckier than the majority of children out there, because even though I’m not going to be perfect I’m making a smart and well informed DECISION.

Coming Soon! Why I Chose California Cryobank.

The Fertility Blessing

You know my deep desire for a child. A little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.

Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with Your will.

Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.

Amen