When I was a child, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. When it came to a career, I never really knew. Sometimes I STILL don’t know if I chose the right career. Even though the career part was never really clear to me, there is one part of my dream adult identity that I never wavered on. I wanted, with every part of my being, to be a wife and mother.
Unfortunately, the wife part never happened. The how and why of that part is not important to this story. The important part is that I realized that “wife & mother” doesn’t always have to be a package deal. That is why I decided to become a single mother by choice. Does this mean that I’m not still hoping to find “the one”, or to be married one day? Nope. Is this the way I dreamed I would be starting my family? Not at all. Does that mean I am any less excited to take this next step in my life? Absolutely not!
Now, I know what some of you are thinking… “You’re only 31, why not wait?” A few different factors come into play. First, I never wanted to be an older parent. If I got pregnant now I would be 50 by the time the child graduates high school. I want to still be young enough to actually enjoy watching grandbabies grow up one day. Second, there is a family history of very early menopause. Early enough to make me think that if I wait much longer I might end up completely unable to fulfill at least part of my dream. Third, I am in a very stable place, both emotionally and financially. Fourth, but one of the most important, is that I have the full loving support of my family.
Let me explain why I chose to document my experiences in a public blog for the world to see. I want to share my experiences with my family and friends. I also feel like there are so many people who could potentially learn from my blog. I am going into this process somewhat blind. There is a lot of information on how to get pregnant with a partner. There is also a lot of information on getting pregnant through IVF, or in vitro fertilization. What I haven’t been able to easily find is detailed information on IUI, or intrauterine insemination, using donor sperm. There are plenty of same-sex couples, couples experiencing infertility, and single women who are anxious to start families of their own. While no two experiences are alike, I hope that sharing my experience will help to shed some light on some things that can be expected during the journey to motherhood.
I’m going to finish off this blog with some of the frequently asked questions and comments I’ve gotten from people who I have shared this news with already. These are not in any particular order.
Q: Why don’t you just wait? The right man is out there!
A: See paragraph 3.
Q: Seriously, what’s the risk in waiting?
A: My fertility.
Comment: You have no idea what you are in for. Single parenting is hard!
Response: Did ANY new parent, single or not, truly know what they were in for? I am aware of the fact that there will be extra challenges being a single mom and not having a partner to rely on. That is a challenge I’m willing to accept.
Q: Why don’t you just adopt instead?
A: I have nothing against adoption, but if god has blessed me with good eggs and a healthy uterus then why shouldn’t I use them?
Q: What qualities are you looking for in your donor? And a very closely related question that I get very often. What race are you going to choose for your donor?
A: My preferences for a donor are a very personal decision. All anyone else needs to know is that the donor has a clear medical history.
Q: When are you getting the “Big Squirt”?
A: If all my tests go well, my first insemination attempt will be in September 2014.
Q: Don’t you think that you are cheating the child out of the experience of having a father?
A: Yes, I do think that a childhood without a father is not normal. I really wish that there was a special man by my side to experience the ups and downs of pregnancy and parenthood with me, but at the end of the day I’m not willing to risk my fertility waiting for the right one to come along. Luckily for me, if my child ever needs a good strong male role model they will have a wonderful grandfather and uncle who are willing to step in and be a great male figure for my child to look up to.
Comment: Oh… Um… Ok… Good luck with that.
Response: LOL! This is one of the most common, amusing, and completely acceptable comments I can get from acquaintances who don’t really know how to respond. It’s fine to not know what to say. I probably wouldn’t know what to say if I were in your position either.
Comment: (I was truly surprised by how many times I got this one from guys I know.) Well if you get to the point that you are ready to have a baby, but you haven’t found anyone yet, let me know and I’ll be a parent with you.
Response: I’m a little insulted by this. If I’M not good enough for you to date or have a relationship with right now, then YOU are not good enough to be the future father of my child. PERIOD.
Q: What if the right guy comes along one or two months after you get pregnant?
A: Well, now he has two people to love, and who love him.
I guess that’s all for now.
Coming soon! The Steps & Procedures I Have Completed So Far & Their Associated Costs…
The Fertility Blessing
You know my deep desire for a child A little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with Your will.
Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.